You Don't Have A Bandwidth Problem

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"I just feel like I don't have the bandwidth," she said with tears welling in her eyes. It felt like too much all at once. It's the mental load, but also that wild feeling that everything is completely out of control.

I hear this all the time.

And I've been there too.

There have been many instances where I found myself completely strung out. I used to feel like a ticking time bomb around 2pm religiously every day. Too much to do, not enough time to do any of it properly. Not enough time before the yellow cheese bus stops on the corner of my house and little feet start rushing through my front door.

Everything feels… 56% complete.

It can really weigh on you, making it hard to feel like anything you are doing is good enough…or even complete.

The to-do list never ends. Time moves faster the more you try to catch up to it. It's like the day is running you, instead of the other way around.

So you press on.

Internally, your entire body is in overdrive. You're wired, tight, already maxed out. Is it any wonder that when your kids come home, you snap at them to wash their hands? Or you grab the hot tray out of the air fryer, forgetting the oven mitt, and end up cursing a little too loud? Probably not. G-d forbid a girl wants complete and total calm and control after half the day is over. Lol.

You've been holding it in all day.

That is likely why you feel so frustrated with yourself and everyone else. Like, why can't I just be calm, cool, and collected all of the time? Am I a weak a$$ b*tch? Let me save you the spiral. Nothing is wrong with you.

Your nervous system is just overloaded.

Le Fix

If you got this far in this post, it's likely that you're looking for a fix. I am here to tell you, there is no easy way to do it. There's no quick pill, gummy, or protein powder that can make your psyche do a complete 180.

BUT…there is light at the end of the tunnel and I would love to share how you can get there.

Learn to move the feeling

Emotion is just Energy in Motion. When our emotions become stuck, we cannot move through them, and instead become stuck in the state. This is helped out by our propensity towards believing the negative (survival mechanism), and comes out as behavior we are less than proud of.

So we have to learn to move the emotion. In the most literal sense…I want you to start pacing your room. Trace your steps into an invisible shape on the floor. Circle, square, whatever you choose.

The emotion has to move through you. Walk at whatever pace you want (though I'd recommend putting the pedal to the medal if you're a little tired to get the blood flowing).

The Purge

Couple the pacing with a "purge" if you will, of all of the stuff swirling in your head by making an audio recording of all of your thoughts. Don't hold back. Set a timer for 3-5 minutes and have at it, girlfriend.

This is your time to really evict all of the thoughts that are trapped inside while moving them out of your head. The reason why we record? So that it feels like its going somewhere.

Make sure the timer end isn't a loud blaring alarm, but a soft sound at a lower volume. We don't want to up regulate our nervous system again. I like the "Journey" sound on iPhone, but play around with whatever sound you consider soft enough.

Stop & Sit

When the timer goes off, sit down on the floor and take 3 cleansing breaths. Breathe in and feel your ribs expanding sideways rather than belly breathing. When you exhale, do it through your mouth, slowly, and audibly. This tells your nervous system that you are in a parasympathetic (relaxed) state.

Try this for 3 weeks consistently and you will notice a difference. The issue isn't that you don't have enough bandwidth, it's that your system is carrying too much tension.

Holding tension in your body for too long distorts everything. It directly impacts your performance and self-perception. The more tension that exists within, the harder it is to see how much bandwidth you truly have.

That tension also impacts our body on a holistic level as well. Holding tension can wreak havoc on our hormones and amplify poor stress response. Also, it causes wrinkles and honestly…there are only so many units of Botox you can keep up with.

Anyway, that's my mini-TED talk for the week.

That's your reset.

Try it before you tell yourself you "just can't handle things."

You probably can. You're just maxed out.

Au Revoir,

Yana

This piece was originally published in Little Notes from Your Therapist.

If something here landed and you would like to talk it through, you can book a short complimentary consultation or send an inquiry. Sessions are by secure video anywhere in New York State.

A note on privacy: this is not about one specific person. It is a composite drawn from patterns I have seen across many years and many rooms. No real client, session, or otherwise identifying markers.

This post is written for educational purposes and is not medical or mental health advice, nor a substitute for care from a licensed provider. Reading it does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are in crisis or need urgent support, call or text 988 in the United States, or call 911.