The Real Reason You Feel Mentally Stuck

Image from Pinterest.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but sometimes what we label as "depression" is actually a nervous system begging for a state change. I don't mean to sound curt, or insensitive, but ever since social media "experts" have oversaturated everyone's feeds of symptoms of certain disorders and quick fixes for burnout, people stopped tuning into what their minds and bodies may truly be telling them.

That is not to say that there isn't valuable information out there, but rather, that too much information leads to over identifying with symptoms, and relying on those symptoms to be part of your personality.

I very commonly have clients ask me "So what do I do with that? I need a manual. I need something to change." And often, the advice I give is:

Start by changing your state.

Here's what I mean by that.

You wake up. You doom scroll. You eventually roll out of bed. You brush your teeth and get ready and sit at your desk to another screen, taking not-so-brief pauses throughout the day to go to your little screen to scroll some more, sign off or leave work, eat, watch tv, doom scroll again.

Rinse. Repeat.

Sound familiar?

Over time, you become stuck in a loop, and when you finally settle into stillness, it becomes surprisingly very hard to just be with your thoughts.

Now, I'm not suggesting to completely go offline or off the grid. In fact, I'm not suggesting you put your little screen away at all.

I'm suggesting you create your own manual, by changing the state you are in frequently and with great intention, so that it sticks.

Before we get into the techniques, allow me to explain what state change actually means.

State change is your body's ability to change between different neural and behavioral networks. Envision yourself as a series of highway lanes. Each lane represents a different part of you, fulfilling different roles in your life.

This can look like: Parent, where caregiving circuits activate. Worker, where the executive network dominates. Partner, where attachment and intimacy systems activate. And Self, which is your default mode network, the core of your identity and reflection.

Switching lanes between these parts, or states, can either feel seamless or challenging. Driving in each lane can feel smooth, or like you're stuck in a traffic jam.

All of that depends on the flexibility of your nervous system.

During smooth state transitions, you're able to switch tasks seamlessly, without feeling activated. This may look like feeling at ease when transitioning from work to family or social responsibilities. Your parasympathetic system remains active, body does not become tense, and overall, you feel relatively relaxed.

However, when this system is in overdrive (and it often is in high-performers), state change feels rigid and frantic.

Mentally you don't feel present. Physically, you feel tense, perhaps even without realizing it.

This happens for a few reasons.

Chronic sympathetic activation: Your nervous system doesn't get a break. Different checkpoints during your day feel abrupt, you're constantly in "go mode."

Cognitive residue: Your body is here, but your mind is elsewhere. You may be making dinner, but you're still thinking about that meeting you just had at work.

Identity overcoupling: High-achievers usually feel very fused with the identity of achieving or performing. The brain has a hard time disengaging from the self-lane, which leads to having difficulty during transitions, chronically experiencing tension, and feeling guilt when resting.

Alas, time for the manual.

I'll preface this by saying, there are so many ways you can tweak these tips so they actually feel meaningful to you, but here are a few practices you can try.

Create a neural "off-ramp." This tells your mind that you're changing lanes. Pause for 3 minutes before leaving your car, office, or desk. Wash hands for a few minutes longer and stay really present. Pick a song and play it every time you reach that checkpoint in your day, calling it your "reset song."

Change your body state first. If your body is stuck in a mode, your brain will be as well. Having trouble getting out of bed? Have your feet hit the ground as soon as you fully wake up, which signals to the brain that you are in awake mode. Roll your shoulders before changing states. Do 5 sets of 4-7-8 breath work. Unclench your jaw.

Find a container for the cognitive residue. The brain relaxes when it knows the task has a container. This exercise dramatically reduces mental carryover. The 60-second mental closure exercise: before switching lanes, write or use a voice note to answer three questions. What I completed. What is still open. When I will return to it.

The Nothing Productive walk. For 10-20 minutes, take a walk. No podcast, no music, no problem solving. If you're open to the challenge, leave your phone at home. This allows your default mode network to rebalance and cortisol to regulate.

Downshift your nervous system on purpose. Think of your vagus nerve as a muscle that responds to repetition. Improved vagal tone means faster access to a calm state. Brief stretch. Humming. Vibration plate, if your doctor or physical health allows. Arm swings. Warm water or hot towel on wrists or face.

Schedule self lane time. If you don't create pockets of time for yourself throughout the day, the whole highway can become jammed. Find 2 pockets of time, 5-10 minutes in length, that you can dedicate to something that truly fills your cup, or gives you a sense of ease.

The small caveat here is that the goal isn't for you to try these practices once and never again. They're called practices for a reason, and they can only have results if they are meaningful to you. These are not quick fixes because well…quick fixes never seem to work long-term.

So my challenge for you is this: How much attention have you been paying to what your internal system has been telling you?

xx.

This piece was originally published in Little Notes from Your Therapist.

If something here landed and you would like to talk it through, you can book a short complimentary consultation or send an inquiry. Sessions are by secure video anywhere in New York State.

A note on privacy: this is not about one specific person. It is a composite drawn from patterns I have seen across many years and many rooms. No real client, session, or otherwise identifying markers.

This post is written for educational purposes and is not medical or mental health advice, nor a substitute for care from a licensed provider. Reading it does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are in crisis or need urgent support, call or text 988 in the United States, or call 911.