I. Want. Privacy. My Hiatus from Instagram

"Mommy, why are you always on your phone and on instagram?" my almost-7 year-old daughter asked me on a Sunday as she was carefully outlining the petals on her paint-by-numbers floral bouquet canvas. "Well sometimes it's for work, and sometimes I'll get a message from a friend." "But you're not working today. And you're seeing your friends later." I was floored. Did a 6 year-old really just point out my phone overuse? Yes. The feeling inside was one that felt sunken and hollow. I was…embarrassed. Have I really been on my phone noticeably often? Perhaps. Even though I have had streaks of weekends where I used a "Brick" to block myself from going on the app, I must admit, it has been quite some time since I've done it.

I thought about this encounter for several days thereafter. Each time I thought about it, I'd try to distract my thoughts by clicking on that little icon that would inevitably suck me back in for 10 minutes. Just one more story. Just one more post. Oh! Maybe I should add that to my Amazon cart. One more scroll down.

Ok last one.

Just one more.

It's never enough.

So, I deleted the app. But admittedly, this isn't the first time. Each time I've done it, I felt rejuvenated, creative, and more in tune with life as it was happening all around me. But each time I've done it, it came from the inner want to restrict myself, rather than free my creativity.

This time, something felt oddly different. Instead of scrolling mindlessly, I sat down to write for the first time in what feels like ages. I somehow don't feel like I'm picking up a cigarette each time I reach for my phone, and I don't fear missing out on anything…because everything I need is right in front of me, and everyone I need knows how to reach me outside of sending memes on IG.

I recently read in Arthur Brooks's book, The Happiness Files, that if you calculate the amount of time you spend on social media based on how much you earn hourly, you can very quickly see how much time you're "spending" on the activity.

Well that was a rude awakening.

I've been bankrupting my time with a 0% ROI. This led me to sit down and truly evaluate what time means to me. I decided to really think about what I wanted to "spend" my time on and realized I couldn't slow down or pursue those things if I was constantly rattling myself with quick dopamine hits from instagram.

Also, I realized how instagram shifted from a compilation of interesting opinions and styles, to a medley of more of the same sh*t. I'm not sure what it used to feel like (maybe I didn't take inventory of that), but am sure of what it feels like now: ads, ads about ads, bloggers who generally have the same recycled style giving ads, bots starting comment wars, more ads, and of course, suggestions of more things you may want to buy…usually in the form of ads.

I find that when I do log on, I feel like I'm walking through the perfume aisle of a very congested, large department store, where I'm forced to try every scent regardless of if I like it or not. Ugh.

Here's where I landed now:

I think it's time we collectively take inventory of what really truly lights us up. Write it out. What projects have you been procrastinating? What do YOU actually want to dress like? Where do you actually want to travel to…and why? What feels peaceful to you?

Here are the things I started to notice when I asked myself (and some of my clients) these questions:

1. I am capable of creating, and I don't need permission or validation from instagram.
2. Sharing uninterrupted time with my kids and hearing about their day and sharing them helps me feel at ease and makes them more confident.
3. I started craving more organization: decluttering a cabinet here or there, labeling things neatly, donating clothes, etc…and actually enjoying the process.
4. I noticed the moments I used to reach for my phone were for quick comfort, when I was truly wanting peace, became much less frequent. Comfort and peace are not the same.
5. There will always be more things to buy, and I'm not missing out.
6. I am able to invest more time into practices and things I love…and that has the biggest ROI.

All of these thoughts made deleting the app surprisingly easy. If you ever need to go on, you can go on through the browser, which makes it far less accessible. If you treat your phone like a Swiss army knife instead of as a handheld computer, you'll get much more out of life.

xx

This piece was originally published in Little Notes from Your Therapist.

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A note on privacy: this is not about one specific person. It is a composite drawn from patterns I have seen across many years and many rooms. No real client, session, or otherwise identifying markers.

This post is written for educational purposes and is not medical or mental health advice, nor a substitute for care from a licensed provider. Reading it does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are in crisis or need urgent support, call or text 988 in the United States, or call 911.